Important note: hit play on the music player above
Haiiiii whoreeeeee (#1)**IT’S YOUR BIRTHDAY DIVAA 🔥 In my opinion tho June 30th is the least gay bday ever dude, like ugh wdym you were born on the LAST day of June?? Might as well be born in July, hetero (derogatory) 🙄 Anywayss your last birthday feels like forever ago - and us becoming friends is like at least three forevers ago, crazy to think it was only 2-ish years ago or less. At the same time, however, time flies and it feels like it was just yesterday when we went on c.ai and I had a hot crazy sexy wife and you made me talk to fuckass chuck e cheese instead 💔💔💔
I lowkey used to be a lot nicer to you back then, but that’s cuz we weren’t close - however I’ll try my hardest to bring the niceness back in this letter (**that ‘whore’ was last mean thing you’ll hear in this letter).
I remember last year I wasn't sure when your birthday was, and so I tried to confirm the date with you online friend (the asshole didn't have his dms open, I had to rely on my poor memory and pray and hope I was correct) (but hey I was correct) (point is..) iirc all I did was send you one text message and maybe a reel or something. This time however the intention was to be better, did I succeed? I don’t think so.. Tho this may be the last bday where we’re in the same country for like a good couple years, I haven’t had the time to try and make something physical for you; and for that you have the permission to bite me when you see me next time. I have vague ideas on some stuff and I hope I have time for literally anything before we meet up in your bday party, for the first summer of his life this guy is actually busy and doing stuff can you believe it 🫨
Speaking of your birthday party you better be planning well for it, all I’m asking is for no last-minute decisions and stress like last time we tried to hang out okay?
The past year (and a half) were interesting, we used to spend sm time in grade 11 that our period sync’ed up, and that didn’t occur for g12 for some reason? You skipped school A LOT tho that’s fs 🙄. Thing is I didn’t spend as much time this year with you as I had expected, theoretically we could’ve met up outside of school more BUT DOES THAT EVER HAPPEN? HUH? MEET ME IRL BITCH I DON’T BITE 😾.
Now that wasn’t me saying school wasn’t fun, even when you piss me off or harass me idc we still ball yk (however, pretty pretty please grow some braincells and also NEVER HARASS OR BITE). We were together when I was getting hit by basket balls, we somehow got to a point where we hung out a good couple times but you didn’t know my name, we spent a summer texting every day in the gc (tho it was mostly you joking about leon and being 𝓯𝓻𝓻𝓪𝓴𝔂), I got harassed countless times, and finally, we got mistaken for lesbians. What next? You’re gonna ask for my hand in marriage? 🤮
Keep the yummy memories in your head, and yummier memories coming. And always remember, gaslight gatekeep masc-seduction !!!!!
As this letter comes to an end, enjoy the lack of bullying while you still can. And while we’re at it, I LOVE YOU
I had an idea to include something nice at the end of the letter, but I blanked when it actually came to write it. So instead, there are memes with this letter as a replacement 🙏
Stay funny, become fried. (NOT in a drugs way, fry some chicken or something)
baibaii
- from mizu